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It's erev Passover and I'm in the kitchen;
I was cookin' and bakin' and moanin' and kvetchin'.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!

 

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Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
Chopped liver I got - ah, charosis I need
They expect all the trimmings--who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.

 

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There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
khrain drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two sponge cakes in the oven, dessert's almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

 

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I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling wine on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The Manischewitz is ready!"

 

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He looks all around and with total regret,
says "What's taking so long? Aren't you through in here yet ??"
I grabbed the rolling pin, held it up high
"Get the matzoh on the table"; he knew I would shrei.

 

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As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in terror and complains,
"My Gosh woman, you're going insane!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oy gevalt, it's the cakes!! They're burned all to hell!!

 

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I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, "es gate mir in drerd."

 

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Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
I promise you one thing, if I live 'til next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter
And if that doesn't work, I'll have it all catered!

 

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~Submitted by Renee. Thanks Renee!~ 

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Translations

erev = eve, the night before
kvetchin' = complaining, whining
charosis = delicacy of chopped apple, nuts and cinnamon
khrain = very HOT, red horseradish
Manischevitz = Brand name of kosher wine
matzoh = Passover unleavened bread, cracker
shrei = yell
Oy gevalt = cry of anguish
gate mir in drerd = It's "hell" to me

 

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