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You know you're getting old when....

 
  • Everything hurts; and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
  • The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
  • You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

 

 

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  • Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
  • Your children begin to look middle aged.
  • You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

 

 

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  • Your mind makes contracts that your body can't meet.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 years ago today."

 

 

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  • You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  • Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

 

 

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  • You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.
  • You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 106 around the golf course.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.

 

 

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  • A fortune teller offers to read your face.
  • Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl.
  • The little old gray haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

 

 

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  • You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
  • You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
  • You know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.

 

 

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Get "1,003 Great Things About Getting Older!"

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