Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language
is to be taught in all Southern schools.
Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/ English dictionary:

• HEIDI - noun. Greeting.

• HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."

• BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

• JAWJUH - noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

• MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

• FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

• BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

• TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

• RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

• TARRED - adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

• ARE - pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.

• RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

• FARN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

• DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

• EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ear!"

• BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

• JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

• HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."

• SEED - verb, past tense. Usage: "Bubba seed are bard pick-up."

• GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."

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