Painful Puns!

• Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

• Income Tax: Capital punishment.

• A used car is not always what it's jacked up to be.

• Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.

• To my sweetheart: My cooking's gotten better since I fondue.

• A robber broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats, and the police didn't have anything to go on.

• Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words.

• Egotist: One who is me-deep in conversation.

• Did you hear about the woman who started dating rakes and fell on hard tines?

• Why won't melons elope to Las Vegas? They cantaloupe.

• Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.

• Kleptomaniac: One who can't help himself from helping himself.

• Did you hear about the snake who gave birth to a bouncing baby boa?

• Once I got angry at the chef of an Italian restaurant, so I gave him a pizza my mind.

• California smog test: Can UCLA?

• The competition at a local dog show was quite "Ruff"

• Q: How did the pig with laryngitis feel? A: Dis-gruntled.

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