Here are some actual signs seen around the world:

• Sign in London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.

• Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE: $1 PER PRE-PACKED BAG -.25 CENTS DO-IT-YOURSELF.

• In a laundry, on each washing machine: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

• In a London office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

• On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE BY THIS DOOR. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use the side door)

• Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH; IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.

• Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME.

• In a cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.

• In a health food shop: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.

• In a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

• In a hotel during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.

• In a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT BE AWARE THAT THE BULL CHARGES.

• On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (Please knock hard on the door -- the bell doesn't work)

• In an office building washroom: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

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