Here are actual answering
machine greetings recorded and verified by the world-famous International Institute of
Answering Machines.
- My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if
you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
- A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is
why we're not here. So, leave a message.
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- Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already
sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid
institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If
you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
- Hi. Now you say something.
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- Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so
you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
- Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
- Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you
leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!
- Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't
like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
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- Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of
receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets
are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken.
If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
- Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
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- Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right
now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
- This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your
reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
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- Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his
refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of
these magnets.
- If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning
our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and
it's safe to leave a message.
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