Gift Wrap Your Cat!

GIFT WRAPPING WITH THE HELP OF YOUR CAT

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut
    door.

3. Open door and remove cat from closet.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors,
    labels, etc...

7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable
    wrapping strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the
    drawer since last visit and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove cat from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to determine size to cut.

13. Try to smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.

14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.

15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the
      paper.

16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the
      present came in.

17. Place present on paper.

18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't
       reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.

19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent
      sticky tape.

20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape
      from cat with pair of nail scissors.

21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve
      ribbon.

23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's
      enthusiastic ribbon chase.

25. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.

26. Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of
      losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the
      right size for sheet of paper.

27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

28. Remove sting, open box and remove cat.

29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for a room
      with a lock.

30. Once inside locking room, lock door and start to relay out paper
      and materials.

31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close
      and relock.

32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear
      cat from outside door)

33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area
      of the toilet, but do your best)

34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt
      through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper.
      Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with
      this last year as well.

35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to
      make torn sheet of paper look presentable.

36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with
      sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide
      worst areas.

37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself
      on completing a difficult job.

38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious
      conclusion.

40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

41. Go to store and buy a gift bag.

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