Remember, amateurs built the ark.
Professionals built the Titanic.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else
feels so good.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't
it get us out?
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll
get run over if you just sit there.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in
common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
An optimist thinks that this is the best
possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
There is always death and taxes; however
death doesn't get worse every year.
People will accept your ideas much more
readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
It's easier to fight for one's principles
than to live up to them.
I don't mind going anywhere as long as it's
an interesting path.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
I don't get even, I get odder.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never
got around to it.
Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
I am a nutritional overachiever
My inferiority complex is not as good as
yours.
I am having an out of money experience.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Practice safe eating -- always use
condiments.
A day without sunshine is like night.
I have kleptomania, but when it gets really
bad, I take something for it.
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would
have in-laws.
I am not a perfectionist. My parents were,
though.
Life is an endless struggle full of
frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
You're getting old when you get the same
sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
One of life's mysteries is how a two pound
box of candy can make you gain five pounds.
The real art of conversation is not only to
say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the
tempting moment.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a
lousy beautician.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat
cells live forever.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes
age comes alone.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to
show.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
you grow old because you stopped laughing.
