You Know You're Getting Old...

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.

2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover
    you aren't wearing any.

3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not
    eating cereal.

4. Your back goes out but you stay home.

5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

8. When happy hour is a nap.

9. When you're on vacation and your ENERGY runs out before your
    money does.

10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to
      you, and you always hated it.

11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your
      age.

12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make
      sure the street is still there.

13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.

20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your
      bifocals.

21. It takes twice as long to look half as good.

22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.

23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your
      head the whole time.

24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.

25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.

26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care
      anymore.

27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling
      apart.

28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even
      remember being on top of it.

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