Never give me work in the morning. Always
wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
If it's really a rush job, run in and
interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover
behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
Always leave without telling anyone where
you're going.It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books,
or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic
and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose
all use of my limbs.
If you give me more than one job to do, don't
tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.
Do your best to keep me late. I adore this
office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I
like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
If you have special instructions for a job,
don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing
me with useful information.
Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for
you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.
Tell me all your little problems. No one else
has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about
having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me
what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of
living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
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