Let's Work At McDonalds!

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment ... and they hired him! As what?

1. NAME: Greg Bulmash

2. DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's
    available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying
    here in the first place.

3. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a
    Michael Ovitz-style severance package. If that's not possible, make
    an offer and we can haggle.

4. EDUCATION: Yes.

5. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

6. SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

7. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of
    stolen pens and Post-it Notes.

8. REASON FOR LEAVING: It stank.

9. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

10. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and
     Thursday.

11. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I
      had one, would I be here?

12. DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT
     WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING (UP TO 50 LBS)?:
     Of what?

13. DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question
      here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

14. HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
     RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers
     Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

15. DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

16. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
     Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who
     thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to
     be doing that now.

17. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
     COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No,
     but I dare you to prove otherwise.

The job application joke above is © 1997 by Greg Bulmash. Visit his sick humor site, his insult site, or his hamburger site.

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